Well this week has been pretty crazy. I wrote about recently giving birth to my little Shawnda, and that was on a Wednesday. We were in the hospital till Friday and then cam home. On sunday we were at home Ki and Kate and I were sitting in the house when we got a call that my Grandma had been in a car accident in Arizona where she had been helping my aunt with her kids. APparently she was taking 4 of my cousins to church when she ran a stop sign, and got hit by a diesel truck. They did CPR on site and then air lifted her to Tuscon. One of my cousins was also air lifted and the others were taken by ambulance. They told us right away that Gram was in very critical condition. But I just kept thinking that she would pull through. But about 1 hour later she passed away. We were really upset. I am so grateful that Ki and Kate were here when we found out. I really just couldnt believe it. everyone has been in shock. So right away my sisters started trying to figure out how to get flights home. Luckily by a miracle they were able to get flights home for the next day without having to pay more. I was not sure if we were going to go. Shawnda was only 4 days old. I figured that we would wait and decide after taking her to the pediatrician. But truthfully I knew that we probably wouldnt. Her and I had really struggled with nursing. And then after all of this with my Grandma I fel like I had less milk. I was really stressed and very emotional. This whole thing was a nightmare. By Monday night I knew that my milk supply was way down and Shawnda was so hungry. I was afraid that I had lost my milk due to the stress of everything. That night we finally gave in and gave her a bottle. It was so sad cause she just gobbled it down. The next day decided everything. Shawnda only weighed 5lbs .48 oz. She had lost to much. I knew we couldnt go. SO now I am feeding her every 2 hours with formula and I am pumping every 3. I am so busy keeping up with that, but I still find my self having bouts of crying. I keep thinking of talkin to my Grandma right after I had Shawnda, and they voicemail she left me the night before she was killed. She was so close to all of us, and I will miss her so much. It is so hard not being at the funeral on Saturday. I want to be with my family, but I know that I have to just focus on Shawnda. My grandma wouldn't expect anything less. I love her so much, and she left behind a great legacy and example for all of us to follow.